i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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