You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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