Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
