after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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