I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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