Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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