I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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