the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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