just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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