My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
