Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
