Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
