Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
