He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
