we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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