I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
