I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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