You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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