dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize