just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
