Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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