So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
