Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
