so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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