I wish I could teleport
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
