Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
