how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
