He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
