before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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