I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
