we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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