Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
