Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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