Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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