I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
