Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
