capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
