I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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