There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
