There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
