worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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