we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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