Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
