I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize