We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
