Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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