you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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