happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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