After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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