So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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