I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
