We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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