If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
