do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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