quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
