you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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