I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have post one night stand depression
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