I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
