alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
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Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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