First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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