I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
