There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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