Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
