We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
