Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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