Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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