I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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