Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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