i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
