The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
