thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
